A Husband and Father's point of view . . .

Social media provides for interesting opportunities. Tonight I choose to participate in this medium in a way that I never have before. Nope, this is not Jill blogging, this is Brandon, Jill's husband. All words to follow are mine. I alone am responsible for this entry. I believe this is my first entry in this little family blog. It may be the only entry I create. Tonight I wish to speak as a husband and a father.
My personal experience with social media allows me conclude that blogging, tweeting, facebooking, etc., can truly provide an appropriate and powerful medium to entertain, uplift, support, worship, bear testimony, and provide service (to name but a few). Unfortunately, I also feel these mediums far too often are used in a way that is superficial, hollow, and empty, where false, hateful, and unwise words, thoughts and opinions are used to create anger, confusion, and sadness. Social media is limited and imperfect. Tone, intent, and meaning often get lost, misunderstood and misinterpreted. Yet we are quick to cry, "It’s only entertainment". After my grandmother died, I received a portion of her journal writings. Written with a typewriter on nice stationary, I can feel her spirit each time I read her words. I sometimes wonder if similar writings provided in an online environment can as effectively capture the essence of one's soul. Maybe. The issue of cyberstalking in its various forms adds a worrisome element to our social media. I am the only one who has access to my grandmother's writings. But almost anyone anywhere may potentially have access to this blog. Sometimes, those who are mean-spirited use social media to gather data, twist and manipulate information for selfish gain. To say the very least, we often put ourselves at risk by participating in social media. Its a sign of our times.

Tonight I wish to direct my words to each one of you who have stumbled upon this little family blog. Whoever you are, welcome! I hope you understand that anyone who “steps foot” here is able go get a little glimpse of our family as presented by an angel.

You see, just over two years ago I met an angel. Seriously. At that particular time in my life, I was very literally at my lowest point. I won't elaborate on the specifics of what was going on at that time, but it is sufficient to say that in a very real way I was homeless, and soulless. I called my parent's couch home. Stripped of my identity, I stood in chaos. Character weaknesses in one hand, addiction in the other, I was introduced to Jill.

As part of the problem at this time of my life, I was trying to take upon myself the full weight of something that I did not truly own alone. I tried to own the fault, the blame, the dark cloud that seemed to hover over my family. In this, my extreme ignorance, God sent me an angel that would eventually help me see me for who I am.

I want to tell you about my angel. She has blond hair, beautiful eyes, shapely curves, and a smile that instantly pierced through my plight. She has the softest touch and offers the kindest words. She is funny and smart, quirky and talkative. When we met she knew I was a broke divorcee with 4 children. She knew of my character weaknesses and the addiction with which I tried to cover my flaws. She should have ran away. I wanted her to go away.

We first met at the invitation of my little sister. To be honest, it was nice to get off my parent’s couch for the night. That alone contributed to us going out a couple more times. But I felt the need to get away. I had to run because as I spent more time with her it became obvious that she, like me, was flawed also. Two screw-ups finding each other in the midst of chaos? It couldn't be. It shouldn't be. But somewhere along the way, on a path of fear and insecurity, my angel simply and honestly suggested something that has since become the foundation of our relationship: "Let's pray". Real words. Powerful words.

In spite of my fears and concerns, giving heed to those two words allowed for a friendship to develop, then a courtship, later a marriage. Shortly after our marriage, this blog came to be. The Sandall family blog with the silly title. Happily, eagerly, proudly, and humbly, Jill began to “shout from the rooftops” about our new little family. You have all witnessed much of it if you have spent any significant amount of time here. If you have paid attention, you have been able to recognize that Jill not only loves me, but she also loves my four children. Jill has graciously accepted the role of “step-mother”, with all the negative stereotypes and connotations this title often possesses. Always respectful of my children’s biological mother, Jill is called “Jill” as her heart and soul yearns to be called “mother”. Recognizing that our personal situation may never produce children of her own, Jill nevertheless has proudly, lovingly, appropriately, righteously, and excitedly put herself, me, and my children on display on this very blog.

I invite you to continue to take a look at this blog. Read Jill's entries. See my kids. I am proud of them. I am proud of her. Though I have made many mistakes in life, and will continue to do so, I am a very proud husband and father. I love my children. I love my wife. Where I fall short in expressing how I love being a parent, Jill shines. Where I lack personality, Jill provides laughter, silliness, and fun. Where I am shy, Jill, through her writings, does her best to describe experiences that we have as a family in a way that is open, honest, and appreciated. Where I sometimes forget to express words of kindness and love, Jill’s heart explodes with both throughout this blog. Simple yet effective expressions of love through writings and photographs posted here. She loves to post pictures. It sometimes drives me nuts how many pictures she takes. She is not a writer (neither am I). Her grammar isn’t the best, but she unapologetically expresses her love to me, my children, our God, and others, and then meekly asks me to go back and fix her grammatical errors.

My angel isn’t perfect. She makes mistakes. Hallelujah! She sleeps in too late. She’s often late to appointments. She gets pouty and often takes on way too many projects. She can be loud. She has offended people at times. She can talk and talk and talk and talk. But she is my angel. I sometimes listen to her breath as she sleeps at night just to feel of her wonderful spirit.

So here we are. Together. Married. A family. Maybe not the "ideal" nuclear family, but WE ARE A FAMILY. My relationship with Jill is based on prayer and faith. That is really all we have. We are broke. We donate plasma twice a week just to keep gas in the one vehicle we own. We try to pay the rent on time when we can, and we scrounge for change to buy a Coke when we can’t. Too often we borrow from parents and loved ones to keep the lights on, but in her honest, blunt way, Jill is constantly reminding me that she loves her life. She loves me. She loves our family. She absolutely adores our children even though she has to share them. She, in a very real way, took a chance on a broken man. We don’t stand a chance on our own, so with a “let’s pray” attitude, we invite God into our lives and try each day to follow Him. It’s hard at times. We often seem to struggle to figure out where the heck God is. But my angel is patient, so I can be too.

Some say, “reach for the stars”. Others claim that if such an attempt leads you only to the moon, than that’s pretty good too. For Jill and me, we reach for the sun, more specifically, the Son. Jill showed me her dependence on Him when she uttered the simple words, “let’s pray”. She recognizes that in her weakness she is nothing, and I choose to follow her hand in hand because of her faith that in the Lord’s strength all things are possible, including being my wife with all the mess that entails.

I post this entry this night because for a brief moment Jill shut down our blog because of some recent misguided comments about the entries and the hurt feelings it caused. Ignorance tried to clip the wings of my angel. As Jill’s husband, I will not let that happen! This is our blog. A blog about our family. A blog that helps put a little sparkle on me and my wonderful children, on my wonderful wife. A selfless act of my angel. There are no ulterior motives here, no hurtful words, no expressions of condemnation. I honor my wife in part this night by insisting that this blog stay put, open to our friends, family, and loved-ones. If you happen to be someone who is offended by what is here, then you are free to leave and I assure you your offense is a result of your own ignorance, not Jill's intent. If you are someone who would take her honest, kind, and loving words and try to manipulate them for selfish “gain”, to to attempt to tear down rather than build up, then please do it far from this little blog. Do it far from my family.
The only purpose that I see this blog serves is for Jill to lovingly and appropriately attempt to express love to me as her husband and to Lilly, Laura, Liz, and Luke, our children. She also expresses kindnesses to family and loved-ones. She expresses faith here and acknowledges our God and his infinite mercy. She has opinions and thoughts that she has a right to express here and as her husband, I fully support her efforts in spite of some of my personal opinions about social media.

I am a husband and a father. As such, the Lord has seen fit to also send me an angel to help me get through this thing called life. Jill you are my angel. If anyone, I mean anyone ever tries to clip your wings, you can be sure I will be right by your side following your wise counsel: “let’s pray”. I love you Jill, forever.