Growth

For a long time now, my favorite flower has been tulips. I love them. I have always wanted to go down to the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point, and I got to go for my first time when Brandon and I were dating. He took me last year and we plan to go this year. I love walking the grounds and seeing all the Tulips. The air is crisp and it just fills my heart with joy.

This year, with the move to our house, we have a yard and some flower beds. In October, Laura, Liz and I worked hard cleaning out the beds and planting tulips. I have never planted tulips before and was so excited. The tulips have started coming up and with spring here, I planted a few pansies for some color yesterday. My love for flowers and gardening started at a young age. I would work every summer for my Papa, taking care of his yard and the yards of my aunts and uncles. All the cousins did it. His yard was always beautiful and he took great pride in it. I can remember being ever so careful as we weeded to not step on the flowers. He was like the foreman and oversaw his grand kids as we worked. Some may see this as cheap labor...we did get paid. However, it was countless summers of teaching and lifetime experience. He taught us how to work. And how to work hard. After working hard in the yard all morning, he always went off for a round of golf with the "nooners" at the Davis Golf Course. He taught me to work hard and then play hard. He taught me the importance of friendships. He had many friends. He taught me the importance of growth and of learning from mistakes. I learned the power of the words "I'm sorry" and "I love you". He taught me the importance of being who you are and not hiding yourself. He loved the Lord and had a testimony greater than anyone I knew. He had his faults too. He smoked. So what? He still went to church he did not hide the fact that he smoked, he worked hard, he loved his family and took care of them. He was a good neighbor and friend. Men like him are rare. He wasn't perfect, he was an honest and upstanding man.

To this day, the best smell on this earth is the smell of dirt and concrete mixed with cigarette smoke. He worked in construction and started a cement company. His truck always smelled of dirt, cement and smoke. When I get the chance to ride around in one of those company trucks it makes my heart so happy. I smell my Papa.

Yesterday, as I planted Pansies, I thought of Papa. I still feel him with me. I have felt him in the worst times in my life. Loving me. Today, I went out to show Brandon my little garden and as I was thinking of my Papa, I started to think of something else close to my heart. The atonement. The girls we serve in our mission at the Women's Recovery Center and the men and women in the Addiction Recovery Program. Brandon's and my own recovery. I thought of growth.

My tulips are all growing at different rates. Some are in clumps, they were planted years before and have a stronger root. Others are taller and some are thicker. Some are barely coming peeking out of the ground. Some are exploding out of the ground reaching for the sun. My pansies add color, a smile, to the garden that is striving to grow and change from a bulb into a flower.

We are each at a different point in our growth, much like my tulips. Some of them have roots firmly planted in the ground from years of care and growth, much like some of us from years of learning and striving. Some are newly planted and striving to grow for the first time, one day at a time. Some of the tulips are in groups and others stand on their own. But they are all in the garden, together. Growing and striving to be the best tulip they can be. Some of my tulips may die. A deer might eat them, the wind blow them over, some kid may rip it out of the ground. Some might just give up. Maybe they just won't have the strength to grow as much as they would like. But they are out there, growing anyways. Trying. Despite what may happen. And next year, they will try again. As long as they have the nourishment they need, they will continue to try and grow every spring into my favorite flower.

My tulips are a lot like us. Some of us have our roots firmly planted from several years of hard work, service and recovery. Of coming unto our Savior despite our short comings and failures. No matter how broken we may have felt we were. Some of us may feel as though we have disappointed the Lord so much that we let him go rather than cling to him more than ever before. Some of us are newly planted in our faith. Still trying to overcome challenges and our own personal deamonds. We look up to the ones who went before us and are firmly planted in their faith and beliefs. Some of feel as though we are standing alone. Not knowing where to turn or who to trust. But if we step back, we can see that we are not alone. That there are groups of us striving and some of us alone as well. We are all in the same garden. Striving to grow and change and be better.

Much like the Tulip has the chance to grow each year with the proper nourishment. So do we. With the basics of prayer, scripture study and faith...no matter how small that faith may be, we can grow. Because of the atonement, we can continue to try and to grow. To fight our way through this life. And we don't have to do it alone. We are surrounded by others fighting just as hard to change and grow. We all will stumble and make mistakes but we all have the chance to change and grow again.

Today, I am grateful for growth. I am grateful for the atonement of my savior, Jesus Christ. I happened into the amazing experience of being a Service Missionary in the Addiction Recovery Program...the 12 Steps are the steps to the atonement. As I have been on this path, I have healed. I have watched others heal. I have witnessed marriages and families saved. I have seen the devastation of families falling apart but even those families are ok, because they have leaned on atonement with all they have, even with a divorce they heal from the pain of loved ones choices and are able to let it all go. I have watched women heal from their spouses addiction to pornography or drugs and to love themselves. I have watched men recover from pornography addiction. I have seen men and women fight their way out of addiction to drugs and alcohol. Weekly, I witness women fighting for their very lives and families. To come to their higher power and change. I thought that Brandon and I had so much to teach and help with, but we have been taught and helped. I have watched my husband heal from addiction and literally transform into a new and different man. Someone different from the night I met him, it's like night and day. Still with faults but with a different countenance and a desire to keep trying and a new approach to life. I have healed from things I never thought were possible. I was able to forgive myself and then see myself. As the Lord sees me. To love myself as the Lord loves me. It has been several years of work and growth, much like the tulips that have been in my garden for a while. I am no where near where I want to be, but that is the beauty of it all. I never will be. I get to grow, over and over through this life as I learn from my savior. I'm going to continue to make mistakes ad fall over and be weak but I always have a way to try again.

I'm grateful for this important life lesson and the new joy I have in gardening. Now as I think of my Papa, I think of the men and women I have served with and who have taught me. I think about my Savior and his sacrifice that I might continue to grow and make it through this life through him.

Cooking, chores and fun

I recently bought a deep fryer. I got my hands on a recipe for deep fried s'mores. I love s'mores. A lot. I was quite excited to try this out. The deep fried s'mores were and epic fail. They were gross, nothing like an actual s'more, and just down right disappointing. I'm now left with a min-deep fryer. Now what? Doughnuts!! Thanks to Pinterest, I found a recipe for Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Those were a complete success!! Seriously so yummy when saved overnight for a fantastic breakfast. Thankfully when I made them the kids were here so I didn't have to eat them all alone. Brandon and Lilly then had the idea to make fries with the fryer. Those too, were amazing. Only Brandon or Lilly can make them right. I tried but it did not work. I think Lilly and Brandon were making fries for all of us all weekend long!! Alas, the deep fryer has died. We haven't made doughnuts or fries since but the few times we made them were a lot of fun. Big thanks goes out to the person who gave me a gift card to Kohls where I bought the deep fryer on sale. It was awesome while it lasted!

Once Liz turned 8, she could participate in what is called Activity Days at church. She gets together with girls her age in their ward a couple of times a month and do activities together...hence the name! She recently had her first Daddy Daughter Date. It had a 50's theme, so she busted out my old poodle skirt from my competition days and Brandon did his best to throw together a 50's look. I have never seen a more excited girl. The weeks leading up that night she would talk often about it. When she came home from the date she was glowing. She gave me the low down...Dad CANNOT hula hoop. "It was funny" were her exact words. However, Dad did win the bubble gum blowing contest at their table and Dad pulled her around on this cart with wheels and a rope and apparently that was "so fun!!!". Liz also did the hula hoop, she is "much better than Dad".

Brandon started a part time job in Home Health. He really likes it. He is not away from us too often and it has been a huge blessing. We are very grateful. Something neat has come of it for the kids and Brandon. On Saturday and Sunday mornings, he sees a patient pretty early in the morning. Each morning he takes one of the kids with him. They stop for a drink and they ride with and even get to meet his patient. Maybe this doesn't seem neat or like a big deal, but to Brandon it is. I think to the kids it is too. Nothing miraculous happens, just a drink and drive with Dad.

Charlie has GROWN!! He is still a puppy but not the size of one! He is doing really good with learning his commands. He struggles when the kids are here because he is just so excited to have them around and he just wants to play with them. When they go back to their grandpa's he wanders to each of their rooms. At first I didn't notice til I watched him one day. It's like he is checking to see where they are. Then he sits at the back door with a look of "where did they go??". He also gets excited when company comes over. He is 99.9% house trained (knock on wood) so I cleaned all our carpets and couches. WAHOO!! I'm trying to enforce a 'No Shoe' rule...Brandon said "Good Luck with that..." We'll see how it goes.

Well, I'm loving Plain City. We have a fantastic ward and I have made some really neat friends. It's nice. It's nice to get to know these girls up here and feel included. It is a huge blessing for me. We had a girls night out...Luke wanted to know what we talked about at those....My lips are sealed shut. Ha! Today I am just so grateful for our new home, our new ward, our new friends. Life is quite the chaotic storm for us but right down the center runs a thread of peace and stillness that I love and cling to.

So there are some of our adventures. Brandon and I are getting super excited about this great weather...we are itching to go fishing!! Wahoo!!!



Last Friday, the kids were out of school and so they were at our house. Liz and Luke decided they wanted to get their chores done Friday so they didn't have any big chores to do on Saturday...Luke had the kitchen. Luke is such a smart boy. I love how he makes what could be boring tasks fun. Check out how he did our dishes and kept hydrated as well!!

A Husband and Father's point of view . . .

Social media provides for interesting opportunities. Tonight I choose to participate in this medium in a way that I never have before. Nope, this is not Jill blogging, this is Brandon, Jill's husband. All words to follow are mine. I alone am responsible for this entry. I believe this is my first entry in this little family blog. It may be the only entry I create. Tonight I wish to speak as a husband and a father.
My personal experience with social media allows me conclude that blogging, tweeting, facebooking, etc., can truly provide an appropriate and powerful medium to entertain, uplift, support, worship, bear testimony, and provide service (to name but a few). Unfortunately, I also feel these mediums far too often are used in a way that is superficial, hollow, and empty, where false, hateful, and unwise words, thoughts and opinions are used to create anger, confusion, and sadness. Social media is limited and imperfect. Tone, intent, and meaning often get lost, misunderstood and misinterpreted. Yet we are quick to cry, "It’s only entertainment". After my grandmother died, I received a portion of her journal writings. Written with a typewriter on nice stationary, I can feel her spirit each time I read her words. I sometimes wonder if similar writings provided in an online environment can as effectively capture the essence of one's soul. Maybe. The issue of cyberstalking in its various forms adds a worrisome element to our social media. I am the only one who has access to my grandmother's writings. But almost anyone anywhere may potentially have access to this blog. Sometimes, those who are mean-spirited use social media to gather data, twist and manipulate information for selfish gain. To say the very least, we often put ourselves at risk by participating in social media. Its a sign of our times.

Tonight I wish to direct my words to each one of you who have stumbled upon this little family blog. Whoever you are, welcome! I hope you understand that anyone who “steps foot” here is able go get a little glimpse of our family as presented by an angel.

You see, just over two years ago I met an angel. Seriously. At that particular time in my life, I was very literally at my lowest point. I won't elaborate on the specifics of what was going on at that time, but it is sufficient to say that in a very real way I was homeless, and soulless. I called my parent's couch home. Stripped of my identity, I stood in chaos. Character weaknesses in one hand, addiction in the other, I was introduced to Jill.

As part of the problem at this time of my life, I was trying to take upon myself the full weight of something that I did not truly own alone. I tried to own the fault, the blame, the dark cloud that seemed to hover over my family. In this, my extreme ignorance, God sent me an angel that would eventually help me see me for who I am.

I want to tell you about my angel. She has blond hair, beautiful eyes, shapely curves, and a smile that instantly pierced through my plight. She has the softest touch and offers the kindest words. She is funny and smart, quirky and talkative. When we met she knew I was a broke divorcee with 4 children. She knew of my character weaknesses and the addiction with which I tried to cover my flaws. She should have ran away. I wanted her to go away.

We first met at the invitation of my little sister. To be honest, it was nice to get off my parent’s couch for the night. That alone contributed to us going out a couple more times. But I felt the need to get away. I had to run because as I spent more time with her it became obvious that she, like me, was flawed also. Two screw-ups finding each other in the midst of chaos? It couldn't be. It shouldn't be. But somewhere along the way, on a path of fear and insecurity, my angel simply and honestly suggested something that has since become the foundation of our relationship: "Let's pray". Real words. Powerful words.

In spite of my fears and concerns, giving heed to those two words allowed for a friendship to develop, then a courtship, later a marriage. Shortly after our marriage, this blog came to be. The Sandall family blog with the silly title. Happily, eagerly, proudly, and humbly, Jill began to “shout from the rooftops” about our new little family. You have all witnessed much of it if you have spent any significant amount of time here. If you have paid attention, you have been able to recognize that Jill not only loves me, but she also loves my four children. Jill has graciously accepted the role of “step-mother”, with all the negative stereotypes and connotations this title often possesses. Always respectful of my children’s biological mother, Jill is called “Jill” as her heart and soul yearns to be called “mother”. Recognizing that our personal situation may never produce children of her own, Jill nevertheless has proudly, lovingly, appropriately, righteously, and excitedly put herself, me, and my children on display on this very blog.

I invite you to continue to take a look at this blog. Read Jill's entries. See my kids. I am proud of them. I am proud of her. Though I have made many mistakes in life, and will continue to do so, I am a very proud husband and father. I love my children. I love my wife. Where I fall short in expressing how I love being a parent, Jill shines. Where I lack personality, Jill provides laughter, silliness, and fun. Where I am shy, Jill, through her writings, does her best to describe experiences that we have as a family in a way that is open, honest, and appreciated. Where I sometimes forget to express words of kindness and love, Jill’s heart explodes with both throughout this blog. Simple yet effective expressions of love through writings and photographs posted here. She loves to post pictures. It sometimes drives me nuts how many pictures she takes. She is not a writer (neither am I). Her grammar isn’t the best, but she unapologetically expresses her love to me, my children, our God, and others, and then meekly asks me to go back and fix her grammatical errors.

My angel isn’t perfect. She makes mistakes. Hallelujah! She sleeps in too late. She’s often late to appointments. She gets pouty and often takes on way too many projects. She can be loud. She has offended people at times. She can talk and talk and talk and talk. But she is my angel. I sometimes listen to her breath as she sleeps at night just to feel of her wonderful spirit.

So here we are. Together. Married. A family. Maybe not the "ideal" nuclear family, but WE ARE A FAMILY. My relationship with Jill is based on prayer and faith. That is really all we have. We are broke. We donate plasma twice a week just to keep gas in the one vehicle we own. We try to pay the rent on time when we can, and we scrounge for change to buy a Coke when we can’t. Too often we borrow from parents and loved ones to keep the lights on, but in her honest, blunt way, Jill is constantly reminding me that she loves her life. She loves me. She loves our family. She absolutely adores our children even though she has to share them. She, in a very real way, took a chance on a broken man. We don’t stand a chance on our own, so with a “let’s pray” attitude, we invite God into our lives and try each day to follow Him. It’s hard at times. We often seem to struggle to figure out where the heck God is. But my angel is patient, so I can be too.

Some say, “reach for the stars”. Others claim that if such an attempt leads you only to the moon, than that’s pretty good too. For Jill and me, we reach for the sun, more specifically, the Son. Jill showed me her dependence on Him when she uttered the simple words, “let’s pray”. She recognizes that in her weakness she is nothing, and I choose to follow her hand in hand because of her faith that in the Lord’s strength all things are possible, including being my wife with all the mess that entails.

I post this entry this night because for a brief moment Jill shut down our blog because of some recent misguided comments about the entries and the hurt feelings it caused. Ignorance tried to clip the wings of my angel. As Jill’s husband, I will not let that happen! This is our blog. A blog about our family. A blog that helps put a little sparkle on me and my wonderful children, on my wonderful wife. A selfless act of my angel. There are no ulterior motives here, no hurtful words, no expressions of condemnation. I honor my wife in part this night by insisting that this blog stay put, open to our friends, family, and loved-ones. If you happen to be someone who is offended by what is here, then you are free to leave and I assure you your offense is a result of your own ignorance, not Jill's intent. If you are someone who would take her honest, kind, and loving words and try to manipulate them for selfish “gain”, to to attempt to tear down rather than build up, then please do it far from this little blog. Do it far from my family.
The only purpose that I see this blog serves is for Jill to lovingly and appropriately attempt to express love to me as her husband and to Lilly, Laura, Liz, and Luke, our children. She also expresses kindnesses to family and loved-ones. She expresses faith here and acknowledges our God and his infinite mercy. She has opinions and thoughts that she has a right to express here and as her husband, I fully support her efforts in spite of some of my personal opinions about social media.

I am a husband and a father. As such, the Lord has seen fit to also send me an angel to help me get through this thing called life. Jill you are my angel. If anyone, I mean anyone ever tries to clip your wings, you can be sure I will be right by your side following your wise counsel: “let’s pray”. I love you Jill, forever.

Pretty Darn Funny

At Time Out For Women, they had a booth from Pretty Darn Funny. They wanted us to share our funny stories...Brandon and I had a recent funny moment. Watch the video below, if you think it's funny please go to www.prettydarnfunny.com and enter Jill Sandall in the search bar on the left. On my video there is a "# likes" and an orange thumbs up sign, click on that to vote for me. I could win a cruise!!! I'm pretty excited to just be famous now. If you would like an autograph, let me know. :)

Some funny moments

Not a whole lot has been going on, which is nice for a change. The other day, when the bathroom mirror was all steamed up, this showed up...it says "Luke Stinks". We are pretty sure the culprit is Liz. Brandon and I died laughing. How funny